Who am I?

It’s been a while since I have blogged. This is due to many reasons; I was super busy over the summer, school has been hectic but I think most importantly it is because I have been struggling with this one significant question… Who am I?

I just recently found out that the source of all my pain has been from an acetabular labral tear. It means that I have trouble sitting for long periods, walking, climbing stairs, biking and running. I have had to give up my sport, since I can no longer do anything that it requires. Field hockey has been something that I have loved playing for eight years. I loved the bliss of stopping someone dead in their tracks while trying to score, and the little butterflies I felt while lining up before a short corner. I loved the freedom of running up the pitch and making a killer pass. Basically I just loved everything about it and now that I can’t play it is extremely difficult.

Being an athlete  has high value in my family. Both my parents, my brother and myself have always excelled in sports and just love to play them. It is something that has made us very close, through all the travel time to practices and games to playing friendly rounds of golf with all of them. I know that being injured is completely out of my control and everyone tells me they love me the same regardless of whether I am playing a sport or not. But that is something that I am currently struggling with myself, coming to the terms of no longer being an athlete.

Being an athlete has always been a large part of my identity and now it’s no longer a part of me. The past year has been marked by many struggles through the pain and frustration of trying to get a diagnosis and figure out whether I can play or not. Now that I finally have my diagnosis I am truly uncertain if I will ever be able to play again. But of more concern is whether I will ever be given the freedom to no longer feel this excruciating pain.

Either way I know I now need to begin the journey of finding my new identity without sport. It is extremely challenging and I’m still learning to cope with the loss of sport and now I need to rebuild my identity no longer around being an athlete but instead around being a child of God, a daughter, a friend and a student.

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