Sabotage

So being in exams now, I’ve come to understand that I tend to sabotage myself within the realms of school. Having an anxiety disorder I have realized that I have been hiding under that identification. I’ve been using my anxiety as an excuse for not performing well. I no longer try my hardest because I am scared that if I don’t do as well as I thought I would that my anxiety would once again take control of me.

That being said I feel like I’m now sabotaging myself because I’ve accepted that getting grades below what I actually deserve is okay. And what happens when I want to apply to grad school and these are the grades I have to show? I can’t use my anxiety as an excuse then.

So with help from God I am going to try and stop sabotaging myself. I know that God wants me to perform my best. So that is what I’m going to try to do from now on. I’m no longer going to let my anxiety disorder rule my life. God doesn’t want that and neither do I, I want to use all the gifts that God has given me and use them to their fullest. I know I’m disappointed in myself now after coming to this realization that I have been hiding from doing my best so I’m no longer going to allow that to happen.

Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” —Proverbs 12:25

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